Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize