This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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