Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize