i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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