In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
