My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
