how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She told me I should be a condom model.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
