Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
