these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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