They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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