i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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