I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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