I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
