I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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