yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if only i could text you this smell
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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