I am full of burrito and curiosity
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
