It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Come on in and take your pants off
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