Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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