I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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