I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
