Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
