i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
