does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
