Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
