I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
