i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
