at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
