Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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