There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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