oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
