"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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