Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
