I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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