I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
