Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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