Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize