P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
