Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
