drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
