Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
