I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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