I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I puked a lego.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
