Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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