Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
