Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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