I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
