I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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