I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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