They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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