She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
