i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
being pregnant is like rehab
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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