you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
