she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
