He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
