I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize