arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
These tits shall not be calmed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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