why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Barsexuality is the new black.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
