it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
