I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
