Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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