found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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