I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
