where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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