my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
