if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize